She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
