everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
