I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
