i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
