She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
