The maid of honor just puked.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
