There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
