Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
