If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
