this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
