I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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