If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
