You're so nebulous sometimes
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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