I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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