is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
