Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
