so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
