Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
