i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
