i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
