if i died would you start the facebook group?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
