don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
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