I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
