i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
