I can text with my tongue
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
