Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
