PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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