If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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