The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
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