I queefed so loud it echoed.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
