Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I cut my penus on the lid.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I think my moral compass just broke
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
