Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
