if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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