i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
