apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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