I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
