I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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