Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
