You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
