He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
