We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
