im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
4 words: hood of his car
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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