I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize