What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
