So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
