i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
