he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize