Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
