That's when you crack a 10am beer
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
