CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
