she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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