Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
