so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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