went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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