I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
