Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
