lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
