I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
