her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
