there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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