That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
