Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
