We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
i need some magic done to my vagina
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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