Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He? As in you personified your dick?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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