he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
