I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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