She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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