i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
