Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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