oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
third nipple confirmed
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
