I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I need a beard to bite.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
