That's intense
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
