So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
her facebook's as public as her vagina
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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