i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
