I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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