I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
